With the world-wide economy in the crapper, hard times are upon us all. Many people are struggling just to keep their heads above water, and we here at This Is Your Captain Speaking are no different. Tough decisions had to be made, belts tightened, and extraneous expenditures reduced. I am no longer able to tip my hookers more than 10%, for example, which just breaks my heart.
Unfortunately, other cuts had to be made as well. Some of these cuts, I'm sorry to say, may affect the quality of this blog. As you've probably already noticed, I had to have the color turned off, as we were unable to pay our color bill this month. I can live with this change, though, because I think having the blog in black and white may be interpreted by some as "classy".
Another luxury item which I am no longer able to afford is the font service. Up until now I've been using the elegantly understated "Trebuchet MS" font, but have had to switch to the much cheaper generic "serif" font. I realize that, for electronic media, serif fonts do not read as well, but it gets the job done, and you sure can't beat the price.
To further underscore the recent economic slump, it turns out that the company which I'd been ordering my post titles from has gone out of business. I apologize for any inconveniences this may have caused, and I promise I'll find a new supplier soon. In the meantime you'll just have to close your eyes and imagine that this post has some cleverly ironic title.
One of the more difficult things I had to do was to let some of the staff go. For example, Monique (my proof-reader/fluffer) has been laid off indefinitely, so you may notice a few grammatical and, spelling errors hear and their.
I've also lost both of my comment responders. I know some of you probably assumed that I actually responded to your comments myself, but, as the CEO of SmackLabs LTD, I really do not have time to be bothered with every little detail. Incidentally, losing my comment responders wasn't so much a budget problem as it was an immigration problem. I'm sure Jose and Fernando will return in a couple of weeks, assuming they make it through the dessert without dehydrating. Until then, I'm afraid I can only afford to respond to every third comment.
As bad as all of these losses are, nothing saddens me more than having to discontinue the Jesus & Elvis series. I assure you, my lawyers did their best to renegotiate a contract with the duo, but we just couldn't come to an agreement. These guys are a class act, and, as I'm sure you can imagine, they don't exactly work for peanuts. I can't tell you how much I'll miss having them around.
The good news is that I've already found a replacement for them. He's a wacky little fella, who I'm sure you'll just love. He's so adorable! Like many entertainers who started out young, he suffered from Child Star Syndrome, and subsequently developed a severe substance abuse problem. This worked out great for me, though, because I don't even have to pay him with actual money.
Friends, meet my new sidekick:
Oh, just wait until you see this guy's lovable antics! (I tried to book Whitney Houston, by the way, but she was already in a contract with Knudsen's blog, apparently.)
While it may be true that many of this blog's core features have been slightly scaled back, let me assure you that we here at This Is Your Captain Speaking are still a hundred and ten percent dedicated to bringing you top-notch, quality blogging, with a minimum of