Elvis: So how did you meet this chick anyway?
Jesus: Oh, well we just started talking one day and then I asked her if she'd like to go to dinner sometime. Hey, you think I should wear this robe?
Elvis: Where, though? Where did you meet her?
Jesus: Huh? Oh, well, someone sort of introduced us. We haven't actually met in person yet...
Elvis: Oh, no. Don't tell me...
Jesus: What? Alright, alright – we met online.
Elvis: Oh, say it ain't so, Jesus, say it ain't so!
Jesus: There's nothing wrong with--
Elvis: Man, I could hook you up lickety split. How come you never just let me--
Jesus: I've seen the women you hang out with, Elvis.
Elvis: What? You saying they're ugly?
Jesus: No, they're certainly not ugly... they're just... I don't know. They're just not my type.
Elvis: Yeah, you like those hippie chicks, with the bare feet and the dream-catchers over their beds and all that stuff. Girls who want to go camping all the time. Vegetarians and shit.
Jesus: What's wrong with that?
Elvis: You like those girls who don't shave their armpits and dance around at drum-circles...
Jesus: Have you ever been to a drum circle?
Elvis: You need to let me hook you up, bro. I know some nice looking chicks. So, like, what - did you meet in a chatroom?
Jesus: No, no, nothing like that. I'm not stupid. I met her through a dating service.
Elvis: Yeah? You see her picture?
Jesus: Yes, of course. She's very pretty.
Elvis: Uh-huh. I bet. Does she like horseback riding and long walks on the beach? Does she like cuddling up by a cozy fireplace? She doesn't have a dog, does she?
Jesus: No, she has two cats, I believe.
Elvis: 'Cause I know how you are about dogs.
Jesus: You should try a dating service, Elvis.
Elvis: Huh? Me? What the hell do I need a dating service for? You forget who I am?
Jesus: Yeah I know, but, you know... just to try something different.
Elvis: Yeah, that's ok. So lemme ask you - did you put up a profile? What's your profile say?
Jesus: It's just a standard profile, I don't get too personal or--
Elvis: I bet I know what it says. It says: “Son of God seeks open-minded vegetarian for deep conversation, poetry readings, maybe more. Hairy armpits a plus.”
Jesus: Your hilarious.
Elvis: Hey, I been wondering... how come you never date Christian chicks?
Jesus: I dunno, it just kinda' weirds me out. It's like, how would you like to date an “Elvisite” or “Presleyan” or whatever. Someone who would rather “worship” you than just get to know you, hang out with you?
Elvis: Hell, that'd be alright. That'd be pretty cool. In fact, I have dated chicks like that.
Jesus: Well, it weirds me out.
Elvis: You know what weirds me out?
Jesus: What's that?
Elvis: When I'm nailing some chick, and she suddenly screams out your name.
(Jesus completely cracks up)
Elvis: I'm like “Hey, baby, stop calling out my best friends name! What the hell!”
(Jesus doubles over, can't stop laughing)
Elvis: It used to not bother me, but now it makes me feel all icky. Hey, how'd you like it if your girl was screaming out my name? Huh? They ever do that, by the way? They ever call out my name?
Jesus: ...stop... stop...
Elvis: They do, don't they?
Jesus: Ok... ok... man... that's too much. Ok... whew...
Elvis: You alright?
Jesus: ...yeah... I couldn't breath for a minute there...
Elvis: So, anyway... where y'all going? Where you taking her?
Jesus: I thought we'd hit that Thai place, the Bahn Thai?
Elvis: Oh, yeah. That's a good place. She'll probably like that, they got all those vegetarian dishes.
Jesus: We'll see how it goes.
Elvis: You got a condom?
Elvis: Hey, I know it's been awhile. I'm just saying. You never know.
Jesus: So really, you like this robe? Should I wear the blue one?
Elvis: No, the robe's cool, but you ain't gonna wear those sandals are you?
Jesus: You don't like the sandals?
Elvis: They look kinda scruffy. Chicks have a thing about footwear. Even hippie chicks.
Jesus: They are kind of old... I guess I still have time to stop at the mall...
Elvis: Yeah, do that. And get some condoms, too.
Elvis: I'm just saying, man. You never know.