Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Worst Post Ever

It's like he's not even trying.


Captain Smack said...

First comment! Woohoo!

morbid misanthrope said...

I thought the worst post ever was the one I did where I just smashed a keyboard repeatedly with a sick kitten taped to a jagged stick.

Josh said...

Let me guess, after your failed cinematic endeavours you have been hiding out, eating pizza, drinking coke and watching late night infomercials.

Well at least with your new body shape you don't need the hat to differentiate you from Jesus.

Kitty said...

i agree that morbid's post was significantly worse than this one.

i am still recovering from that episode of unprovoked agression. i can't see a stick or a keyboard of any kind without having a panic attack....oh look a keyboard....oh noes....

Kitty said...

aggression has TWO g's.


That pretty much represents probably the most realistic pic of most men on the net :)

GT said...

Or those that contribute to Wikipedia

NYCPonderings Chick said...

how did you manage to type all those words?

WNG said...

Ummm... not so much. No.

Erica AP said...

Ummm... Best post ever. I was just typing that and I noticed on your side bar is says Hot Gay Sex. Then I saw it was under Jesus and Elvis and then I thought that made sense. Now I'm thinking I should have only written "best post ever" because I'm not so sure you enjoyed reading this.

Miss B said...

and yet, somehow, entertaining in it's own right...

bad day captain?

Prunella Jones said...

At first I thought so too. But now that I've had a couple of glasses of wine, it's not too bad. In fact, if you added a couple of those OH NOES cat pictures to it, it might well be the most hilarious thing I've seen all day. I love those crazy cats.

Jo said...

Mmmmm. Self-referential.
You're so postmodern, I need to change my clothes.

Cunning Linguist said...

so fake. You can clearly see the string holding the damn thing up.

oops... sorry, I thought it was a youtube video and I jumped the gun just a 'lil. My bad.

Shelly Rayedeane said...

Are you telepathically telling all of us you're too tired to exert any effort writing anything new- so now you've turned into a fat lazy fucker?

jali said...

I like the portrait of you.

Madam Z said...

Clearly, that is NOT a portrait of the exquisitely buff, divinely handsome Captain! It is his AGENT, who has grown fat and lazy because his services are not needed, since Captain Smack has legions of fans simply through his own all-powerful efforts.

Queen of Dysfunction said...

Whatever. Bastard. I'm running a 102 degree fever and I'm here. If I can put in the effort, so can you!

(Ok, I'm sick but I'm bored and I have a laptop that likes to snuggle with me in bed.)

Yawn said...

Beautiful. Fucking (sic) beuatiful.

Yes, (sic) always gets me out of a bind. Throw out some Latin and everybody bows. So feel free to bow. Or just kick me in the nuts to change my current state of mind. Anything! I'll take anything that threatens my tiny world just for a piece of life.

Liv said...

Hey! I just read your comment today! Thanks!!!
I'll start mingling, good suggestion!! :)
By the way, loved your blog!
I'll comment on it all the time!


Steph said...

You hit the wall AGAIN??? When will you learn to pace yourself?

I hope you're not like this in the sack too.

Beefcake Almighty said...

I have a new idea for my next blog.

I'm going to repeatedly "Tea-Bag" the keyboard just to see what appears and PRESTO!!!!!!!! New blog!

phishez_rule said...

See, you don't actually have to put any effort in to get comments.

Captain Smack said...

I liked that one. I thought it was real avant guard.

Drinking coke? Oh, you mean coca cola. Yeah... that's what I've been doing...

The cat was asking for it.

I didn't even notice that, but thank you for pointing it out.

I hope that's not true. Is this based on hard, empirical scientific data, or is this from personal experience?

I try not to associate with those brainy types.

NYCPonderings Chick:
I had one of my assistants do it for me. Most of my posts are written by one of my assistants. I'm more of an "idea" man.

Not the worst post ever? I'll try harder next time. I must be losing my touch.

I just put "Hot Gay Sex" there to up my google traffic. You should try it. Hot gay sex, that is.

Miss B:
I woke up to sledgehammers pounding on concrete, and then I had to go to the dentist. I've had better days.

Don't get me started on the cats. I have another blog (my real blog)that's nothing but cute kittens.

I like to think of myself as post-neo-post-post-modern, with a twist of anti-anti-surrealism.

Cunning Linguist:
Like I said, the special effects budget ran out.

Not only that, but I'm too tired to even try to come up with a witty response.

I'm very photogenic, aren't I?

Madam Z:
Well put. I'm forwarding your comment to my agent.

Queen of Dysfunction:
Yes, but it's not fair to expect the same from me. You're a Queen. I'm only a Captain.


Ah yes, I remember that. It took me a minute, that was a while back. As soon as I crawl out from under my rock here, I'll stop by again. Glad you came by.

Only one way to find out.

I tried that once. It spelled out "Beeeef caaake izzz watttcheen yuuuu..." so I never did it again.

Tell me about it. Next time I'll just post a picture of my penis. I bet that would get some comments.

M@ said...

I'm so high right now.

Bock the Robber said...

I see you're still doing it.


Look forward to a no-words-at-all post entitled " ".

Probably break all records.

Willowtree said...


Willowtree said...

Actually that should read IJULTPYO.

Miss B said...

awww, poor little delicate flower... man the fuck up and start posting...



Are you doing porridge?

Captain Smack said...

You shouldn't do drugs, Matt. You should give them to me.


Actually, if you really wanted to do it correctly, it would read "LOL IJULTPYO", but I'll let it slide.

Miss B:
I love it when you talk that way. Now smack me on the ass! Harder!

I don't do porridge. That shit's too hardcore.

phishez_rule said...

If you want to do that you should send it to me first and I'll roadtest it. said...

Goodness, there's so much useful data here!

About Me

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People often tell me that I look a lot like Jesus, so I always wear a Captain's hat so they can tell us apart. I also enjoy wearing robes and rockin' the tables.