Elvis: Man, I hate this grocery store. The deli here sucks. They ain't got no hot sandwiches. They ain't got no decent pastrami.
Jesus: It's fine, Elvis. I'm just picking up a few things for the weekend.
Elvis: What, you passing by the cookie aisle? You don't want no cookies?
Jesus: You want some cookies, get some cookies.
Elvis: How come we're shopping at this place anyway? The Walmart's closer to the house...
Jesus: I don't like Walmart. I like to keep it in the community. Plus, the lines are too long there.
Elvis: Keep it in the community? Man, I tell ya, you and your... Hey, JC. See that chick? She's looking at us funny. See her?
Jesus: Yeah, I noticed. She probably recognizes us.
Elvis: Now that's a cutey-pie. How much you wanna bet she wants an autograph? Chicks are always wanting autographs. Yep, here she comes...
Chick: My God, The King! Oh my Lord! I can't believe it! It's really you! Can I get your autograph?!!
Jesus & Elvis: (at the same time) Sure, no problem...
Elvis: I think she was talking to me, JC...
Jesus: Well, I don't know...
(They both look at her)
Chick: Oh, uh, well... actually, I was talking to...
Jesus & Elvis: Yes?
Chick: I mean, um... can I get an autograph from both of you? (clears throat).
Jesus: Of course you can, dear. Elvis, you have a pen on you?
Elvis: Uh, yeah man. Of course I do. You know I always carry one around, right?
Jesus: I know.
Elvis: You know, 'cause I sign a lot of autographs...
Jesus: Right, Elvis. And who should I make this out to, dear?
Chick: Um, could you just make it out to Kathy with a K?
Jesus: OoooKaaay... Kathy with a K... here ya go.
Elvis: Lemme see that pen... Kathy with a K... Alright, sweetheart, and here's mine. (winks)
(she thanks them and walks away)
Jesus: Well, that was kind of awkward...
Elvis: Yeah. Sorry 'bout that, I didn't mean to embarrass you there, buddy.
Jesus: What are you talking about? Why would I be embarrassed?
Elvis: Well, you know. She was obviously asking me for the autograph.
Jesus: Why would you assume that?
Elvis: Well, she did say “The King”. I mean, you know... that's what they call me. The King.
Jesus: You seem to forget, Elvis--
Elvis: I know, I know... you're the “King of Kings” or “King of the Jews” or whatever... but I'm, you know, “The King”.
Jesus: The King of rock n' roll, sure. I'll grant you that. But I believe she said “My God, The King”. You didn't notice the “My God” part? She also said "My Lord". That would indicate--
Elvis: Huh? You're kidding, right? Dude, that was just, you know, an expression...
Jesus: Look, just because you're usually the one everyone wants an autograph from, that doesn't mean I don't get asked for autographs, too. It does happen occasionally, you know...
Elvis: Oh. Um, Sure, man. I was just--
Jesus: I mean, yeah, usually they just want to be blessed, or forgiven, but sometimes they do want an autograph.
Elvis: No, you're right, JC. My bad. Your right. I'm sorry. She probably was talking to you.
Elvis: So, uh... anyway, what did you write? For the autograph?
Jesus: I wrote, “Bless you, Kathy”. Then I signed my name.
Elvis: Really? Bless you? That's it?
Jesus: Why? What did you write?
Elvis: Me, I drew her a little picture of my hair, you know, like a wavy line? (draws it in the air) And then I wrote, “To Kathy - You're a real sweetheart! Love, Your Teddy Bear, Elvis Presley.”
Elvis: What's so funny?
Jesus: I don't know, that's just funny... your teddy bear...
Elvis: Hey, I like to give my fans a little extra. Chicks dig that shit, man.
Jesus: If you say so.
(they shop in silence for a while)
Elvis: Man, I'm gonna go back and grab some cookies...
Jesus: Ok, Teddy Bear.
Elvis: Oh, well you want me to grab some cookies for you, King O' Kings?
Jesus: No, I'm fine, King of the Teddy Bears.
Elvis: 'Cause I can grab a King-sized box, you know. It ain't no trouble.
Jesus: Oh, that's ok, I'm trying to cut down on sugars. Say, I was thinking of cooking up some King crabs tonight. You like those, Mr King?
Elvis: Oh, I don't know, I was planning on just eating at Burger King. But why don't you go ahead and grab a sixer of King Cobra. That's probably your favorite beer, right? I mean, you know, since you're the King and all...
Jesus: I don't think they even make that stuff anymore. Besides, it's not beer, it's malt liquor.
Elvis: Pfff. Whatever. I'm getting some cookies.
Jesus: Ok. Whatever.