I've been blogging for 4 whole days now, and here's what I've learned:
Most bloggers are female
I didn't know this until I started looking around. According to www.livejournal.com/stats, women make up 67% of their bloggers. I couldn't find stats for blogspot, but I'd guess it's about the same.
And I'm glad, too. It's nice to finally be out-numbered by women. I always wondered why men out-numbered women in the bars, and now I know. They're all at home, blogging.
Another item on my list of “things I've learned”, is:
Keep responses short
Apparently, when you leave a response on someone else's blog, most people prefer that your response is not longer than the original post itself. I sometimes get a little carried away. I have a problem shutting up, so I just type and type. I have a lot to say. I would've thought people would welcome long responses. The more content, the more Google hits, right? I guess I'm from a different district of the internet.
Also, when you do comment on someone else's blog, don't criticise their choice of font-size, or else Ms Smack might pop in and give you a spanking. Oh, and speaking of spankings, here's another little tidbit of useful information I picked up:
Don't fuck with This Chick
Apparently, she has an army of loyal readers who will descend upon your blog and UBER-FUCK you into next Thursday. So that's good to know.
This next item probably seems pretty obvious, I had just not really thought about it before. I really had only read 3 or 4 blogs regularly before I started my own, and this was never an issue, but:
It helps if you're hot
Just being hot by itself won't do it, of course, but it certainly doesn't seem to hurt. And with that in mind, I think it's time I brought out the big guns. I think it's time I reveal that I, too, am super-hot.
So prepare yourself ladies.
Gay dudes, you can look too.
This is my ass.
Pretty nice, huh?
I know what you're probably thinking: “that's not Captain Smack's real ass. That's some high-paid male model's ass”. But, no, it's really mine. It even has my initials tattoo'd onto it, so it has to be mine.
I bet I'll get a lot of traffic now.
Anyway, I've been doing all this research, trying to figure out how to get people to read my blog. And then, after 4 days of this, it suddenly occures to me: who gives a shit?
I mean, really - I don't even like people. Then on the other hand, if I didn't want people to read it, why put it on the internet? So, obviously I do give a shit. Or do I?
I dunno, I don't have it completely worked out yet. I'll get back to you.
In the mean time, this is my policy: I'm going to just keep writing my blog-crap, because I seem to care, but I'm going to pretend that I don't care. That'll make it easier for me.
Also, I have some ideas for improving toilets. I think I'll get to that next. So if you're dissatisfied with the current state of toilet technology, then keep your eyes peeled, because besides being a singing, guitar-playing blogger with mind-blowing butt-cheeks, I'm also a part-time inventor, and I've got this toilet situation all figured out.
I love you all very much.