Picking My Nose

The following are a few things that have been on my mind lately. I could probably write a full length post on any of the following topics, but for now I just need to get this stuff out of the way. They're in my brain, clogging everything up.

Axe Body Spray
CONSUMER ALERT: This crap doesn't work. Not as advertised anyway. In the commercials, good-looking women physically jump on any guy wearing this stuff. It looked fun, so I bought some, sprayed it all over myself for a good 9 or 10 minutes, and then went to the grocery store and walked around a while. Not only did I not get jumped on, it actually seemed to drive women away. So don't waste your money on this crap.

Nose Rake
I wish I had a nose-rake. Since I was a child, I've imagined a tiny little rake that I could use to get at those hard-to-get boogers that are woven into the nose hair. My fingernails just aren't cutting it. And sometimes I wish I could make myself really, really small, and climb into my own nose with my tiny nose-rake and just really get those suckers out. On a related note: when I'm sick, I picture myself really small, inside my own lungs, with a water-pick. I use it to wash away the mucous. It's a very satisfying thought.

Eminem
I wonder if Eminem blogs. I bet he blogs. He probably blogs under some anonymous name, and does it as a way of expressing his dorky white side. I bet he watches CNN a lot, too. I just have a feeling.

Speaking of Rappers...
Do rappers still rap about money, ho's, jewelry, and expensive alcoholic beverages? I don't know, I haven't listened to any rap in a while, and I was just wondering if the subject matter had changed yet. I think if I were a rapper, I'd rap about politics. That might be why I'm not a rapper. How many things ryhme with Gingritch?

Hmmm....

Mean bitch.
Green witch.
Clean ditch.
Spleen itch.

Ok, I guess several things rhyme with Gingritch. Maybe I'll give this rapping thing a shot.

Bush Stickers
Speaking of politicians, Bush's approval rating is now around 29%. It must be a strange moment, when, after having argued in favor of Bush's policies for so long, you now have to remove the Bush bumper sticker from your SUV. I wonder how many people have removed their Bush stickers quietly, at night, so no one would see. It would be funny: you're quietly peeling off the sticker, and suddenly your liberal loony neighbor jumps out of nowhere and says “HA! See? I told you!”

An Amusing Thought
I had a really amusing thought, and I was going to put it right here, but now I can't remember what it was. So instead I put this. It's not nearly as funny as what I was going to put here, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway.

Note to Self: Whatever
I have to keep reminding myself that not-giving-a-shit is an option. I was watching the news the other day, and saw that some scientists had made a part-goat/part-human creature. It looked like a goat, but had %15 human DNA. I started freaking out about it. I started thinking: you know, one day they're just going to screw around and accidentally create some weird thing that has just the right number of neuro-receptors, and it will have super powers. Like a raccoon/giraffe thing that can smash things with it's mind.

I was upset, thinking “what the hell are they doing!!?” - and then I remembered that I could just not give a shit. Or, as Kahil Gabram put it “I don't mind what happens”, which is similar.

Tom Cruise
I don't give a crap about Tom Cruise one way or the other, but it's interesting to me when society just randomly picks some guy out and then takes a big crap on him. He gets a bad rap. He jumps up and down on Oprah's sofa, and everyone's like “Oh my God! He's mentally deranged!”. How is that deranged? Hell, I've jumped up and down on things a lot weirder than sofas, and nobody says I'm...

Ok, bad example.

Purple People
One last thing: People often say that they don't care if someone is purple. Whenever you hear this, it's usually when a person is defending some racist point of view, and it goes like this: “And it's not because he's black - I don't care if he's black, brown, white or purple.”

Hey, you know what? I'm pretty sure you would care if they were purple. Why? Because nobody's fucking PURPLE! If someone was purple, that would be kind of a big deal. I'm just saying.