Monday, April 16, 2007


Jesus and Elvis: At The park




Elvis: Hey, Jesus, man - lemme ask you something.

Jesus: What's up?

Elvis: Now be honest. Who ya like better: Me or The Beatles.

Jesus: Oh. Well, um... gee, Elvis, I uh...

Elvis: Aw, c'mon man. Don't tell me you like those hippies better than your best bud?

Jesus: I'm just saying, on a musical level, you know... The White Album was just so ahead of it's time. Plus, they wrote their own material and all...

Elvis: So, you ain't, like, pissed off about that whole “We're bigger than Jesus” thing?

Jesus: I think Lennon was just trying to make a point about people's values...

Elvis: Yeah, but here's what I'm saying, man: People are always comparing me to The Beatles, y'know? Like “Who's better, Elvis or The Beatles?”, right?

Jesus: Right...

Elvis: But that's not really a fair comparison. Cause' there's, like, four of them and only one of me. See what I'm getting at?

Jesus: You're saying you're outnumbered.

Elvis: Damn straight, man. The way I figure it, if someone likes The Beatles, say, twice as much as me, then I still win. Because there's four of them, but only one of me. That would mean that they would still like me... let's see... twice as much as any one of The Beatles.

Jesus: Ok...

Elvis: It's just simple math, man. They would have to like The Beatles FOUR TIMES as much as me for it just to break even.

Jesus: I hadn't thought about it that way.

Elvis: I'm just saying, man. That kinda' crap really bugs me, you know what I mean?

Jesus: Yes, I do. Hey, you know what bugs me?

Elvis: What's that, my long-haired friend?

Jesus: When people use me as an excuse to kill people.

Elvis: Yeah, man. I can see how that would get under your skin. Whoa, check it out, check it out. Super-hottie, 3 O'clock.

Jesus: Oh yeah. She's beautiful.

Elvis: Now that's what I'm talkin' about. Damn. Alright, JC, so let me ask you this: Who's your favorite Beatle?

Jesus: Oh, that would be Paul. Definitely.

(they stare at each other a moment, then they both crack up laughing)

Elvis: Ah, man, heh heh...

Jesus: Oh lordy, that was funny...

Elvis: You got me that time. That's some funny shit, Jesus.

Jesus: No, seriously, though. Favorite Beatle... hmmm... You know, I used to say John, but now I'm leaning towards George.

Elvis: Really? George?

Jesus: Yeah. He's just a really cool guy.

Elvis: Oh.

Jesus: I mean, he's cool, y'know, but he ain't no Elvis. No, no. You, my friend, are one of a kind.

Elvis: Right back at you, buddy.

----

12 comments:

mutleythedog said...

You could make this a regular feature as well...like the penis thing ... except less rude!!!

Captain Smack said...

My penis is not rude, thank you. It's actually very well-mannered and soft-spoken.

But yeah, I guess it's probably good to give you all a break from my genitalia every now and then.

Erica AP said...

In my head I was using the animation from The Family Guy. Perfection, I say...

Captain Smack said...

Not bad, Erica. I was seeing it in squiggle-vision myself. Funny that we both saw it in cartoon form, though.

mutleythedog said...

I was thinking about your penis in bed this morning and...

mutleythedog said...

So I linked you on my blog -the readers (both of them) are always interested in penises.

Captain Smack said...

Mutely: As Elvis said, "Right back at you, buddy."

lulu said...

Of course Jesus likes George best, there's that whole My Sweet Lord thing. George is a shoe-in.

Captain Smack said...

Good point, Lulu. Hey, can I have sex with your avatar?

UBER MOUTH said...

Thank you for bringing Elvis' vpice back for us.................that was excellent for a don't do drugs posterboy!
Loved them laughing at fave Beatle- Paul.

ariel said...

just too funny. "if someone likes The Beatles, say, twice as much as me, then I still win. Because there's four of them, but only one of me. That would mean that they would still like me... let's see... twice as much as any one of The Beatles." cracked me up real badly!

ariel said...

anyways, my thought is that he was just trying to make a point about people's values, too.

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People often tell me that I look a lot like Jesus, so I always wear a Captain's hat so they can tell us apart. I also enjoy wearing robes and rockin' the tables.