Elvis: Man, I just had a weird experience.
Jesus: What happened?
Elvis: I just went up to the convenience store, right?
Elvis: So I'm in there getting some slim-jims and some twinkies, right?
Jesus: Of course.
Elvis: And all of a sudden, there's all these midgets everywhere.
Elvis: Yeah, man, like 5 or 6 of them.
Jesus: Really? Did they come in after you did, or where they already inside before you walked in?
Elvis: I think they were already in the store before I walked in.
Jesus: You probably just didn't see them because--
Elvis: Yeah, 'cause they were on the other side of the aisle or something. They're hard to see.
Jesus: Hm. Was it, like... a family of midgets?
Elvis: No, that's the thing... they looked like they were all just young guys hanging out. Couple of em' had tattoos. They looked kinda' tough. I mean, they looked kinda' cool, y'know, like regular guys.
Jesus: Tattoos? Really? ...well, I guess it's not really that weird...
Elvis: Nah, it was strange, man. Believe me. One midget, ok. But five at a time? It felt weird. It felt... I dunno... I felt like I was the one who was different, or something.
Jesus: Well, you were the one who was different.
Elvis: Oh yeah... huh. I guess I was. I guess that's why it was so strange. Hm.
Jesus: But, yeah, you don't usually see that.
Elvis: Yeah, usually you see them one at a time. Why is that?
Jesus: They don't like the term “midget”, by the way.
Jesus: They prefer to be called “little people”.
Elvis: You're shittin' me.
Jesus: I shit you not, my friend. That's what they prefer to be called.
Elvis: Little people?
Jesus: That's what I've heard.
Elvis: Man, I think I'd rather be called a midget, myself...
Jesus: Yeah, but you're not a midget.
Elvis: I'm just saying, if I was a midget. What's wrong with “Midget”?
Jesus: They find it offensive.
Elvis: Man, I don't get that. “Midget” is offensive, but “little people” ain't?
Jesus: I'm just telling you what I heard.
Elvis: Everybody keeps changing all the damn words around. Shit, man – I don't know what to call anybody any more. Can't say “blind” no more, can't say “handicapped”. What's it we're s'posed to call handicapped people now?
Jesus: Umm... not sure. It used to be “handycapable”, but I believe they changed it again...
Elvis: There outta' be a website or something, so you can check every week, see what all the new terms are.
Jesus: “Differently abled”, I think. Yeah, that's it: Differently Abled.
Elvis: Differently abled? You sure? I thought the word “challenged” was in there somewhere, like “something something challenged”...
Jesus: Oh, yeah. You may be right. Or maybe that was one of the old ones...
Elvis: See what I'm saying? We need a website.
Jesus: You know, that's actually not a bad idea. Maybe let people vote on the new words.
Elvis: Yeah! And like, you could have a check-box ballet. It'd be like:
“What are we going to call Midgets?”
- Little People
- Double-plus Unlarge People
- P.O.U.S.S.'s (People Of Unusually Small Size)
Elvis: And then everyone could just vote on it. Like American Idol.
Jesus: I don't know if it's such a good idea after all...
Elvis: I think it's got legs, man.
Jesus: I dunno... Hey, that reminds me, I was thinking about this the other day - have you noticed that midget humor is coming back?
Elvis: Midget Humor?
Jesus: Yeah, like you see it on TV a lot lately. Scenes with midgets, but the humor is based solely on the fact that they're midgets.
Elvis: They used to do that a lot in the 70's. Hey, you know what else you never see on TV anymore?
Jesus: What's that?
Elvis: Quicksand. Remember back in the 70's--
Jesus: Oh yeah...
Elvis: It would always be some guy sinking in quicksand, and he's like “Hey, throw me a rope!”, and the other guy's just standing there, saying something like “only if you tell me where the treasure is buried”. Or, like, every one is looking for a vine or a stick, but can't find anything to help him with...
Jesus: I think they did that on Gilligan's Island a lot.
Elvis: Yeah, I remember seeing that quicksand bit all the time, not just on Gilligan's Island. A lot of movies would have that kind of scene. And then all of a sudden it just disappeared. It's like quicksand doesn't even exist anymore.
Jesus: That's true.
Elvis: You know what would be good? A midget in quicksand.
Jesus: What, in a movie?
Elvis: Yeah, have a midget sinking in quicksand. Like a homage, or a tip-of-the-hat if you will, to films of the 70's. Maybe Tarantino could work it into one of his movies.
Jesus: You wouldn't have very long to save a midget in quicksand.
Elvis: Exactly. You'd only have about a third as much time, cause they're so short.
Jesus: You know, from a filmmakers point of view, that might be a problem.
Elvis: What do you mean?
Jesus: The whole idea of using quicksand, as a cinematic device, is to create suspense. Right? So if you had a midget in quicksand, he would sink so fast that there wouldn't really be any suspense.
(long pause while Elvis thinks...)
Elvis: Ok, well, maybe midgets wouldn't actually sink as fast, because they're lighter. So it would kind of even out.
Jesus: I don't think it works that way. I think it has more to do with buoyancy than weight.
Elvis: hm. Buoyancy?
Jesus: I could be wrong...
Elvis: No, you're probably right. Oh, well.
Jesus: Sorry, Elvis, didn't mean to shoot down your idea.
Elvis: No, that's cool. I still like the website idea, though.
Jesus: Yeah, the website idea's not... bad...